WHY NARCISSISTS NEED YOU

Here’s a BIG secret that narcissists don’t want you to know. They need you more than you need them. Deep down they know this. And they fear you finding out.

Narcissists want the power balance of relationships locked firmly in their favour(be it in a family, workplace, system, tribe, culture etcetera etcetera. And they know that if you realise they need you, this shifts the power away from them. And they can’t have that.

Narcissists try their best to make it appear that they don’t need you. They may maltreat you, put you down or aside since they are inherently anchored to very fickle things like appearance, sex, marital status, social status, color, national origin, ethnic origin, language, religion, age, disability etcetera. For eg they may refuse to employ a pregnant woman or certain websites that refuse entry to a region or group of people because of their race or geographical location, etcetera, a young man who is not in their social class may not be deemed fit for association, friendship, professional or political position, etcetera. That adversely affects privileges, benefits, conditions, development(be it personal or national), etc for generations.

The narcissist is in a "permanent-all-benefits-must-come-to-me-and-mine state" a very deplorable and miserable state where ones soul, spirit and body is permanently, conciously and unconciously fighting and scrambling for more and more for self not caring who gets hurt or harmed in the process(eg corrupt politicians, exploitatory regions, shady businesses, armed robbers, prostitutes, fraudsters etc)
They fail to understand that success is not greedy, as the greedy think, but insignificant. That is why it satisfies nobody.

All they want to do is acquire
Acquire money. Acquire land. Acquire material. Acquire time. Acquire resource.. Acquire attention. etc
Their living mantra is " I want, I want, I want" but that quickly turns to "I need, I need, I need"

Narcissist dont want anyone sharing the cake meant for everyone, they want it all for themselves and thrive on the treatment of an individual or group to their disadvantage.

They don't want everyone born, bred, living, feeding, schooling, housing, stable etc the same way, yet they want everyone employed the same way, tested the same way, graded the same way, #dei etcetera, etcetera.

There’s many ways narcissists tell you that you’re not important. But you ARE! Especially to the narcissist. The narcissist needs you, and gain a lot from knowing you. Far more than you gain from them.

Here’s what a narcissist is likely to gain from you … .

1.
Attention

Narcissists need attention like we need oxygen so they need people around them to provide it. They believe they’re centre of the universe. And need attention to confirm this.

Narcissists learn attention seeking behaviours throughout their lives to give them their fix. They may play the victim, having well meaning friends gather round to help. Cause arguments, because negative attention is better than nothing. Or engage in toxic behaviours to take the spotlight.

You may have noticed that many narcissists don’t like spending time alone. They don’t want time to self reflect. Because it might expose their flaws.

Narcissists cling to the belief they’re better than you. And looking inwards exposes their delusions to the harsh reality that they’re ordinary human beings.

Attention deflects their focus away from their inner world. And allows them to continue indulging in their delusions, using you to distract and soothe them.

Go-around -
Stay away from individuals who throw up those redflags. Align yourself to people who are lifelong learners.

That narcissists who treats you as dirt are not the ultimate determiner of truth.
Those are troubled people who need help or treatment.

Narcissists provoke you until you eventually react, then blame you yor your reaction.
When you get angry with a narcissist, you’re playing into their hands. They WANT you to be angry. Stay calm or walk away.

2
To Prove To Themselves They Are Better

Narcissists also have delusions of superiority. But to feel superior, they need someone to be superior to. And that’s where you come in.

If you do anything nice for the narcissist, they kid themselves into believing it’s because you recognise their superiority. Rather than because you’re a good person.

To compensate for feeling inferior, they maintain an attitude of superiority. They’re often arrogant, highly critical, distortional, demeaning, abusive and disdainful of other people, including entire groups they consider inferior, such as third-world countries, a racial minority, a lower economic class, or people of less education or who didn't enjoy or go through the same privileges and interventions or help as they or their generations did over the ages.. Like bullies, they put down others to raise themselves up.

Narcissists are experts at subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle put downs. In their mind this lifts them up, and again establishes their superiority.

Some lower functioning narcissists like to show off how badly they treat others. Thinking this impresses people, and enhances their superiority. They may insult or abuse you in very dementedly weird, silly, foolish and psychopatic ways, actions and words. They might also for example show off that they cheat on their partner, etcetera. Often oblivious that these doesn’t impress right thinking people.

They need someone to abuse and manipulate to fulfill their needs and to constantly prove to themselves they are better, stronger, and smarter than everyone else.
Yet bullying people, talking down on others and putting others down is one of the signs of inferiority but they don't know this.

Go-around: Narcissist’s spend a life time devising ways to manipulate people. Learn their patterns and level the playing field.

Dont waste your time trying to convince them of a more noble or honest way to act or behave, narcissists sincerely dont have the capability to listen to advice/counsel.

Consider their unclassy talk or behaviour insignificant and irrelevant, dont let them get into you.

Know the signs of narcissism so you don't keep going back to them.

3.
Another Reason Why Narcissists Need You -
They Need Money, Power, Position, Authority or Stability.

And it doesnt matter however or whoever they hurt along the way or who they trample upon, to get it.

They are natural-born exploiters.

When narcissists hurt you with their stereotypical behaviors, such as manipulation, lies, and exploitation, they are simply trying to protect themselves from threats to their ego.

By taking advantage of others and hurting them with exploitative behaviors, narcissists can maintain their outward façade of superiority. 
Some will steal, prostitute, rob, rape, assassinate(literally or figuratively), join gangs, do drugs and all sorts to be living in a mansion, but their mansions are trap houses- they trapped their integrity, peace, concience etcetera.

Narcissists are willing to exploit you for their own gain, and they won’t feel any remorse for doing it.

A narcissist might use you for your extreme empathy - borrow money from you when they are in need or use you when you are in high standing within the community like a governor or politician, only to disappear when they don’t need you any longer.

Or, they might take advantage of you without repayment or so much as a “thank you” for your help.
For the typical person, this behavior is quite hurtful. You’ll feel as if you were used, and your feelings didn’t matter. 

They engage in actions or techniques that take advantage of the conditions of a group of regions, places or people to gain an advantage, or to disadvantage others.

They forcibly deprive someone, some place, some region, some system etc something to which he/she/it/they has/have a natural right for their own benefit.

They improperly use, misuse or abuse systems/people/nations/governments/power etc something for selfish purposes.

Go-around: Hopefully, obtaining a grasp on the reasons behind narcissistic behavior will leave you feeling more validated

Perhaps you blame yourself for all the narcissist did to hurt you, convinced that if you were somehow better or more loving, the hurtful behavior never would have occurred. 

Remind yourself that you are not to blame. The narcissist is a person with deep wounds, and their entire ego depends upon manipulating, exploiting, and dominating others. Narcissists do this to protect themselves, and no one they interact with is immune.

Now that you recognize that much of the narcissist’s hurtful behavior is an attempt to defend themselves against feelings of insecurity, you can begin to heal.
Stop taking the blame for their behavior, and acknowledge that you have a right to reclaim your sense of self-worth and autonomy. 

#Trauma #Abuse #DomesticAbuse #SexualAbuse #MentalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #ChildAbuse #DigitalAbuse #TechnologyAbuse #GenderAbuse #Bullying #Harassment #Violence #Deception #Tragedy #SelfAbsorption #SelfCentredness #Selfishness #Jealousy #Envy #Hate #Bigotry #Psychopathy #Narcissism #Narcissists #Sadism #Egoism #Insecurity #Redflags #RedSkies #Spitefulness #Toxicity #Conflict #Wars

#Empathy #Compassion #Kindness #Love #Strength #Benovelence #Peace #HealthyLiving #Wellbeing
#GenuineConnection #Awareness #Freedom #Decency #Civility #Children #Parenting #Fatherhood #Motherhood #Family #Marriages #Growth #Change #Life #World

SURVIVING NARCISSISM

But if your brother's(or any relation's) presence consistently:

- Undermines your self-esteem with belittlement, manipulation, or lies,
- Violates your boundaries and disregards your needs and feelings,
- Causes you stress through guilt trips, drama, or emotional abuse, and
- Endangers your physical safety through threats, violence, or neglect

HOW TO SURVIVE NARCISSISM:

1. Learn About Narcissistic Behavior to Better Understand Your Brother’s/Mother's Actions

Reading up on narcissistic personality disorder can be like cracking the code to their manipulation.
When I did this, I learned how my mom’s need for control, lack of empathy, and tendency to enable drama are textbook characteristics, not personal attacks.

It isn’t a free pass for her actions, but it shifted my perspective.

2. Keep Your Mindset Healthy and Strong

Throughout my own journey, I learned that a strong #mindset was the key to not only surviving but thriving.

It began with practicing self-compassion and self-worth, counteracting the negative beliefs instilled by my brother's/parent’s constant belittling.

3. Don’t Take His Actions Personally

Your brother’s behavior is a reflection of his own issues and insecurities, not a commentary on your worth or character.

Understand that his actions are driven by his narcissistic tendencies, and not a judgment of your value.

4. Don’t Bother Arguing With Him, Save Your Energy

Engaging in arguments with a narcissistic brother can be draining and counterproductive. They often thrive on conflict and manipulation.

Save your energy by refusing to get caught up in fruitless disputes. Instead, calmly assert your boundaries, disengage when necessary, and focus on maintaining your emotional well-being.

When you avoid unnecessary arguments, you retain your energy and avoid being manipulated into confrontations that are unlikely to lead to any resolution or understanding.

5. Don’t Let Them Put You Down, Tune Out the Toxic Noises

Dealing with a narcissistic family member means contending with their insatiable need for admiration and strong feelings of entitlement.

Recognize their attempts to put you down and choose not to dance to that toxic beat. Your worth isn’t defined by their distorted views.

Recognize that his behavior is a reflection of his issues, and your efforts are better spent on self-care and emotional well-being.

6. Is cutting ties with your narcissistic brother ever a recommended course of action?

Going no contact with a narcissistic brother can be a last resort if the relationship is severely toxic and detrimental to your mental health. It’s a highly personal decision and not one to be taken lightly.

But how do you know when enough is enough?

For me, the time came when the gaslighting became a constant, drowning out any semblance of #peace.

It was a pivotal moment, a realization that my well-being deserved more than the incessant toxicity.

Crafting my exit plan became not just a strategy but a lifeline. It was an empowering decision to break free from the emotional shackles and reclaim control over my narrative

7. Be Prepared for Negative Reactions From Your Father or Others

When I cut off my narcissistic mother, she threw tantrums and guilt trips and even tried to manipulate others to turn against me.

After all, they said, “Blood is thicker than water, right?” Well, sometimes, the chosen family is the strongest bond.

Family dynamics can be messy, and not everyone will understand your decision.

Prepare for some raised eyebrows, awkward conversations, and maybe a few flying feathers (metaphorically, of course).

But stay strong, remember your “why,” and surround yourself with people who celebrate your boundaries.

8. Cultivate Financial, Emotional, and Social Independence From Your Mother/Brother or any Toxic Relation

Breaking free from a narcissistic father/mother/brother etc often means severing the ties that bind you, not just emotionally but also in other aspects.

You don’t need his/her approval or admiration to feel worthy.

So, find ways to stop being dependent on your father/mother/toxic relation for anything, be it emotionally, financially, or socially.

He/she will just use these to manipulate you and control every aspect of your life.

9. When Should You Consider Cutting Ties From Your Narcissist Family?

Consider cutting ties with your narcissistic family when efforts to maintain a relationship prove consistently futile and the toll of narcissistic abuse jeopardizes your mental health.
Sometimes, their love is conditional and hinges on toxic dynamics. That’s when cutting ties becomes a valid choice for finding peace and prioritizing your well-being.

10. See a therapist and also learn from someone who has experienced & survived first-hand this sort of heinous torment so you can live aware and save yourself from trauma, suffering, physical violence, emotional health liquidation, mental health ruination, hypertension, strokes, destruction and even death!

#Trauma #Abuse #SelfAbsorption #SelfCentredness #Selfishness #Jealousy #Envy #Hate #Bigotry #Psychopathy #Narcissism #Narcissists #Sadism #Egoism #Selfishness #Spitefulness #Toxicity #Wars

#Empathy #Compassion #Kindness #Love #Peace
#GenuineConnection #Awareness #Freedom #Children #Parenting #Fatherhood #Motherhood #Family #Marriages #Growth #Change #Life #World

[Part 3 of 3]