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Jason Star Galactica
Episode X
Jason Vs Ash 1
Crystal Lake Facility
13/05/2472 (Yes, it will be a Friday!)
As time goes by in their dark and dusty cell, the planet formally known as Earth wages war and destruction on itself. The survivors relocate to another habitable planet, the imaginatively entitled, 'Earth 2.' Earth becomes a relic, an archaeological source of interest. Its inhospitable environment creates a red terrain, and it is known as 'The Red Planet.'
The locking mechanism turns, the door opens. A team of masked researchers scuffle about the threshold. One steps forward and removes her mask, her automaton senses scan the air,
'It is safe!' She states in an uninformative manner. KM strolls to the pod with her 'friend' Tsunaron.
It's one of the old cryo-chambers!' Tsunaron explains, 'open it!'
'Did IQs just drop sharply?' Ripley intercepts, 'you don't know what's in there.'
'Whatever it is, its frozen so hardly a threat.' Tsunaron replies. The pod swings open revealing Jason & his tightly gripped blade.
'Looks to me like find of the century,' Weyland smirks, 'this chamber has got to be at least 450 years old. Twice as old as any of the 'melted' ever encountered. You know what I think? Let's bring him back. All parties involved get extra credit on their mid-term.
'No, we don't wake them up. Has no one noticed the goalie has a machete,' Macready steps forward destabilizing Voorhees, the behemoth topples, and the machete frozen to his hand slices off Macready's arm. KM collects it and injects a painkiller.
'There's another down here,' Weyland starts, 'he's injured, the wound is deep but misses most vital organs.'
He inspects Ash's crispy form, 'anyone notice anything unusual about this man?'
'He has a chainsaw for an arm,' Tsunaron throws in with his know-it-all attitude.
'We take them back to Grendel, switch them to defrost and let the nanobots repair the one with the chainsaw.' He motions to Jason, 'he is clearly beyond repair, looks like something someone dug up already, but our friend here, he is gold. Metaphorically speaking of course.'
So, it came to pass that the crew returned Jason and Ash to Grendel via the shuttle 'Sulaco' (yes, it's not strictly canon, but what creative writing is?). There the heroic Ash was thawed out and placed in a strange looking sun-bed subject to the nanobot's surgical expertise.
As Ash regained his senses, throwing down a breakfast of five bacon rolls and a crate of beer, Jason was taken to the laboratory
where the devious Dr Harrison Wells (PhD, PhD, PhD, PhD, PhD, PhD) was waiting for his equally skullduggery laden colleague Weyland...
‘You found the notorious Jason Voorhees as we planned,' Wells notes, rubbing his palms together, 'we will never get him through customs at Solaris. Definitely contraband. Take the samples required and store them in this,' he hands Weyland a grinder. 'No one will check.'
Weyland closes the soundproof doors. He takes a scalpel and cuts off the mask, 'you're one ugly motherf*cker!' He notes whilst scraping tissue. He records scans, and then like an idiot sits with his back to the immortal mass murderer and focuses on his microscope.
Meanwhile, in the sleeping quarters, Ripley falls into the naked arms of her beloved spouse Hicks (she proposed, 2472 is a leap year) and moans as he strips her dusty clothes from her sweaty body.
His tongue tastes the salty grime and they join like lock and soap dish, heaving.
Jason hears the irritating sound of fornication, shoots bolt upright, and sees the oblivious Weyland poking his tissue about under the microscope. His chest rises and falls. He lurches from the table and splodges his mask back into the goopy welts of his rotting flesh, then...
grabs Weyland from behind, throws him from stool to glass.
The man struggles, wiping his face down the clear separation and leaving a dash of fearful froth. Jason grips Weyland's stringy hair and drags his ass towards the liquid nitrogen sink, wrenches back his victim's head and plunges it into the unimaginably cold liquid.
Weyland's scream is stifled into a popsicle. Jason's hands are strangely untouched by the liquid nitrogen even though the cryo-pod had an instant effect.
furiously smashes it down onto the laboratory worktop.
Weyland's greedy visage shatters, creating a dreadful mess. Jason turns to the trolley holding his belongings & lifts his machete and cuff links. Locating the post-coital Hicks, he demonstrates the true force of penetration.
To be continued....
